Phantom Myths
by The Phantom Parisienne
Summary: When The Phantom Parisienne and Bubonic Woodchuck team up to answer those unanswerable questions from our favourite bookSLASHmusical, things can get quite hectic...


Disclaimer: We only own ourselves, and TPP owns her Erik plushie.

Summary: Ever wondered why Christine can change her clothes so fast?  Why Philippe was left out of the musical?  Or why Raoul is in a wheelchair during the ALW Prologue?  It's all answered in "Phantom Myths."

"Phantom Myths" by The Phantom Parisienne and Bubonic Woodchuck

Myth One: The Legend of the Wheelchair

((Setting: Inside the Opéra.  BW, TPP, and Philippe stand together…TPP is clinging to Philippe…and so is BW.))

BW: *spaces out* 

TPP: *waves hand in front of your face, still clinging to Philippe*

BW: *is hugging Philippe's leg*

Philippe: Erm...will you two PLEASE get off?

TPP: *kisses his cheek* Are you kidding?

BW:  *is not paying attention* *is hugging Philippe's other leg*

Philippe: *wipes it off* You're really weirding me out. *tries to shake BW and TPP off*

TPP: *is now clinging to Philippe's neck*

Philippe: *struggles* OFF!

BW: NO! *kisses Philippe*

Philippe: MFF! *is kissed*

TPP: *restrains self from licking his cheek and simply clings* *huggles*

Philippe: Please?  If Sorelli catches me I'm doomed...

BW: Why do you care about Sorelli when you've got us?

Philippe: Well, she's actually an adult, which neither of you are, she's a dancer, which I don't think either of you are, and she's actually MEANT for me...Leroux wrote US together, not you and me, or TPP and me.

BW: Leroux should have, though. *makes no attempt to get off*

Philippe: But he DIDN'T and that's the whole point.

TPP: *licks his cheek* FWEE!

Philippe: WELL, BLAH ON LEROUX!

TPP: Did you know that Leroux is also the name of a brand of liquor? *produces bottle of creme du menthe*

Philippe: *takes the opportunity to try and shake TPP off*

TPP: ACK! *falls off* *starts clinging to his leg instead*

Philippe: *shakes leg furiously*

TPP: *clings still* This is like riding a mechanical bull!

Philippe: A wha-?

TPP: A mechanical bull, silly. ^^ *hands him the bottle of creme du menthe* I can't drink it...want it?

BW: *is hugging Philippe so tightly he can't breathe*

Philippe: *chokes* o.o;'

BW: Ooops! Sorry. *releases grip ever so slightly*

Philippe: -.- Phew...

TPP: *shrugs and throws the bottle away* *clings still* So...what do you think Sorelli would do if she found you here?

Philippe: Kill me...

TPP: Exactly!  ^^ So we won't let her find you...we'll kill her first.

BW: Well, we can't let that happen, so... *pulls out large handgun* just in case she finds out!

TPP: *gets out a sparkly silver toe ring and waves it around like a sword*

BW: Uhh...

TPP: What?

BW: Never mind.

TPP: ^_^  That's what I thought.  This is REALLY the Magical Sparkly Toe Ring of Doom™.

BW: …

TPP: You're speechless, I know.

BW: ...

BW: ...

BW: ...

BW: ...

TPP: ^___^

Philippe: *looks down* DON'T DO THAT!

TPP: Don't do what? *huggles MSTROD™*

BW: *very, very, very quickly* Uhhh...nothing!

TPP: *raises eyebrow and returns to sewing on the hair of Erik doll*

Philippe: DON'T DO THAT, EITHER!

TPP: Would you rather that I made a Philippe plushie?

BW: *turns red*

TPP: *looks at BW* o0!?

BW: o_o;;;;;;;;

TPP: What's going on? *blinkblink*

BW: heh. heh. heh.

TPP: Uhh....*tilts head*

BW: N-n-n-n-nothing.

TPP: Is it Sorelli?

Philippe: No, it's BW.

TPP: What about her?

Philippe: Just that she's clinging to my fly...

TPP: *hits BW over the head*  Respect Philippe's privacy!

BW: Awww...

TPP: Bad. *pulls BW off and does similar to Philippe*

BW: ....

Philippe: OFF!

BW: *tacklehugs Philippe*

Philippe: Please go torture Erik instead!

TPP: *lets go and lies on the floor, twitching*

BW: We did that in the last phiccy.

Philippe: Is there anyone else in POTO that you find sexually attractive that you could go bother instead?

BW:...nooo...

Philippe: What about my brother?

BW: ...NOOOOOO...

TPP: Are you insane?!  He's absolutely gorgeous but has nothing in his brain.

BW: NO FAIR! T_T

Philippe: Just...leave me alone! *twitches*

TPP: BUT THERE'S NOBODY ELSE!

Philippe: Think really hard.

TPP: That guy from Moulin Rouge?  Ewan McGregor, I think.

BW: I'd rather have Philippe. *glomps him*

TPP: *sews Erik doll and keeps on lookout for Sorelli*

Door: *slowly opens*

TPP: *jumps up with MSTROD™*

Meg: *sees BW sliding off of Philippe and TPP with MSTROD* Uh...

TPP: WHAT?!?! Sorelli?!  Is that you?

Meg: Uh...no...

TPP: Oh...*puts MSTROD™ down*

Meg: *breaks down* *screams* *runs out*

TPP: o0;  What was that all about?

BW: I think she saw me.

TPP: What if she's going to tell Sorelli?

Philippe: Darn straight.

BW: ? Oo

TPP: It's "damn skippy", Philippe, use the fun expressions, will you?

Philippe: ...

TPP: Repeat after me: "damn...skippy"! ^^ Try it.

Philippe: Damn...skippy.

TPP: ^_^ *claps* *stands by door with MSTROD™*

Door: *creaks open*

TPP: Sorelli...if you're outside the door, come in.  Philippe wants to see you!

BW: *slides off of Philippe very, very quickly and hides*

TPP: *jabs at door with MSTROD*

Door: *flings open*

BW: *tackles whoever it is*

Raoul: *hits ground hard*

TPP: *prods him with MSTROD™* DIE!

BW: EW! I TOUCHED IT! *runs off to disinfect herself*

TPP: *war-cry* *attempts to kill him with MSTROD*

Raoul: SHINY!!!!!!1111oneoneone

TPP: *fwaps him* Shut it.

Raoul: SHIIIIIIIIHIHIHIHINY....

TPP: You like shiny? *holds up MSTROD™*

Raoul: SHIHIHIHIHHIHINY...

BW: *from direction of showers* Why do I have a feeling of deja vu?

TPP: *SHAMELESSADVERTISEMENT!* See Keep Out of Reach of Children. ^^ *causes Raoul immense amounts of pain that leave him crippled for life using the MSTROD*

ANNOYING NARRATOR VOICE: And this is why Raoul's in a wheelchair in the opening scene of ALW's POTO.  Stay tuned for more creation myths with Bubonic Woodchuck and The Phantom Parisienne!  The snack that smiles back…goldfish!  Damn, wrong jingle…Here's TPP's official jingle!  Copyright TPP 2003: If you're evil and you know it clap your hands! *clapclap*  If you're evil and you know it clap your hands!  If you're evil and you know it and you really want to show it if you're evil and you know it clap your hands. *clapclap*


End file.
